I simply suck at blogging.

So I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time. Sorry. Not having internet, French strikes, and just life in general gets in the way. I don't think anyone reads this but my mom anyway (Hi Mom Happy Mommy's day!).

I'm trying to think if I should continue this or not. I hate plugging my blog it makes me feel like a nerd/idiot. Which means no one will start reading it. Oh whatever.

I leave France very soon. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know I will miss it but at the same time, I never really miss the other places I've lived but more so the people I had with me. Kirsten will be back in the US and Marjo is probably moving there. Martin, god knows what he'll be doing, probably chasing skirts his whole life. I'm packing up all my things now, leaving the shelves to their empty state I met them at. It's bizarre to think that I've made a life here and when I'm gone I leave no mark. Maybe that's why someone scratched "MK '44" into my desk. Or maybe why there is so much graffiti everywhere in Europe.

Since I haven't had class a lot lately, I've been thinking a lot about my future. I have one year left to my formal studies, unless I decide to go to an advanced degree, which I doubt I will. Why the hell do I want to be a writer? Maybe I want to leave my own mark.

I went to Dublin a while ago and visited The Writers' Museum. It was one of the sadest places I'd ever been to. The Yeats display at the National Library was amazing though. But I don't want to write for fame, I want to write because I feel I have to. But what to write I don't know. I don't want to just be a nobody, which is really hard. I want people to actually READ what I write. And I want them to understand it. I am not an avant-gardist. And I don't want to be just another PoMo. I need something more. One side of me doesn't want to be sold in Wal-Mart but the other side does, I want everyone to read my writing. I want it to change how they think about themselves and their world.

But how do I do that? I've got a lot of great ideas in my head but I never follow them through. I think it's mostly because I know they aren't the best. But I also can't wait for the best. I have to make it the best.

Okay, I really need to get back to studying for my exam on Avant-Gardes. And pack.